Interview with Ngakma Shé-zér Khandro from the Aro gTér tradition of Buddhism

Image: Ngakma Shé-zér Khandro

Lam Rim Buddhist Centre is founded within the Lam Rim tradition and Gelug lineage of Tibetan Buddhism.  The Centre regularly welcomes teachers from different traditions to offer their teachings at the Centre and embraces the plurality within Buddhism as a religion and philosophy for life.

Ngakma Shé-zér Khandro is a visiting teacher at Lam Rim Buddhist Centre, Wales. She has been a great support to Lam Rim Buddhist Centre over many years, having been actively involved in its re-opening since 2018.  She is married to her husband Ngakpa Namgyal Dorje and has two children. She has been practising Buddhism for 30 years within the Aro gTér tradition of Buddhism, studying with Ngak’chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen.           

Why do you enjoy teaching at Lam Rim - even though it's not a Centre of your own tradition?

Lam Rim Buddhist Centre, Wales is a delightful Centre and always has a lovely warm atmosphere which is really conducive to sharing teachings about Buddhism. It is also close to my home in Chepstow, and I like to support my local Buddhist Centre even if it is not the same lineage of Buddhism as I practice. That being said, we are quite closely related in Buddhist terms. Trans-Himalayan or Tibetan Buddhism is made up of four schools – Nyingma, Kagyud, Sakya and Gelug. I am a practitioner in the Nyingma School – Lam Rim is a Gelug Centre. Although there are some differences in style and presentation, we do all follow the same basic teachings of the Buddha. We all take Refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha and follow the Four Noble Truths and Noble Eightfold Path. My tradition is sometimes described as a ‘Yogic tradition’ and has fewer liturgical practices – instead we focus on silent sitting meditation, yogic song, and physical yoga practices, as well as mantra and visualisation practices.

When did your journey in Buddhism begin?

My journey started when I studied Religious Studies at university. In my third year, I took a module on Buddhism. As part of that, I wanted to explore what it meant to be a Buddhist. I joined the Cardiff sitting group, where I met two ordained practitioners from the Aro gTér tradition of Buddhism - Ngakma Nor'dzin and Ngakpa 'o-Dzin, as well as other members of the sangha. They were joyous, supportive, and happy people. The group practised not only meditation but also yogic song, which inspired me to explore further. I was just 20 at the time, and it was a wonderful introduction to Buddhism.

I attended the sitting group for a while and later went on a weekend retreat in West Wales. It was there that I first met Ngak'chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen. That summer, I took Refuge and received my name: Shé-zér Khandro. 

What’s the meaning behind your name?

My name combines ‘Sky Dancer’ (Khandro) with ‘Rays of Wisdom’ (Shé-zér).

Do you relate to your name?

Absolutely - but it’s more than that - it is something to live up to. In my Aro gTér tradition, names are not just reflections of personality but also sources of inspiration. When your teacher gives you a name they try to see your potential – and therefore your name can be a practice – something you can aspire to embody in everyday life. I’ve also received additional names throughout my life, which invite me to reflect on my practice and teaching. Some of these names are Dzudrul – meaning ‘magical display’, and Ga’drup meaning ‘joy empowering’.  

I also give names to students when they take Refuge, considering how those names will impact upon them.

How do you decide on a name for someone?

You typically get to know the person and have a sense of their personality. I refer to a list of Tibetan names that resonate with what that person embodies. It’s a thoughtful process. In our Aro gTér tradition when someone takes Refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, they receive a Refuge name.

 What does taking Refuge mean?

Taking Refuge means that Buddhism becomes your primary focus and purpose. It’s about saying that Buddhism is your home. When people think about the word refuge – they think of a place to go in times of trouble. So, if you are a Buddhist when times are tough, what you will fall back on is your Buddhist practice and the teachings you have received. So ‘Taking Refuge’ is a practice - it’s about establishing where you will place your confidence. It prompts you to ask, "How do I act as a Buddhist practitioner in the world?" - will I stay committed to being open and aware, or will I seek the mindless oblivion of worldly comforts like a tub of ice-cream and zoning out in front of the television?

Do you take vows?

Yes, I have taken vows. Firstly, it’s important to realise that ‘Taking Refuge’ is a promise to be a Buddhist but without making commitments to a particular lineage or tradition. There are a series of different commitments one can take through one’s life as a practitioner, so I would emphasise that these are not the same as the vows as those one takes for ordination – for example – which may involve commitment to a tantric teacher.

When you take ordained vows in my Aro gTér tradition, it is a big commitment and needs to be entered into very carefully. The vows that are taken are for this life and subsequent lives, so not a thing to be taken lightly. We first find a teacher and study with them - we call this Apprenticeship and there are no commitments at that stage, apart from committing to kindness. We then engage in practices, study and retreats for over 5 to 7 years in preparation for ordination. During this time, one tests one's commitment to the teacher – for instance, if you ask them for advice do you follow that advice when times are tough?

Our ordination vows are lifelong tantric vows known as the ‘Fourteen Root Vows’ and are similar in significance to those taken by monks or nuns – one key difference is we are non-celibate. I took my Ngakma ordination vows in January 2000.

Have you faced difficulties in your practice?

I’ve faced the same sorts of difficulties as many people experience in their lives – grief from loss, financial worries when losing a job, challenges with bringing up children. During challenging times, I rely on my practice to keep me grounded. There have been moments of doubt, but I always return to my commitments. That sense of keeping one's promises even when you don't want to, is vital to this style of practice.

How do you balance your practice with daily life?

Time constraints are always a challenge. I was fortunate before I had my children to be able to dedicate more time to formal practices. Then, as I started my family, there was the chaos of the baby and toddler years. At that time it was hard to find lots of time for formal practice and so I relied on the practices of 'Living the View' - practice as everyday life which our tradition emphasises. Now the children are older, I find more flexibility and time to engage in more formal practices. I’ve always incorporated little practices throughout the day, like singing Dorje Tsig 'dun - the Seven-Line Song of Padmasambhava before meals, which serves as a moment of gratitude and connection.  But fundamentally in our tradition – daily life is practice.

Your tradition is not vegetarian – can you explain your approach to meat in your practice?

Vajrayana Buddhism is not vegetarian – because it involves the practice of Tsog (ganachakra puja). One can choose to live a generally vegetarian and abstemious lifestyle, but tantric vows require the consumption of meat and alcohol because they require the practice of Tsog – so tantrikas cannot be fully vegetarian. These practices are about making meaningful connections with all other living beings - we are all part of the cycle of life. We cannot separate ourselves from the living and dying that goes on around us all the time. We cannot exist without causing others to die - even if we are vegetarian there are field mice killed in the harvest of the wheat; driving a car causes death to insects on the windscreen; taking antibiotics kills bacteria; - we cannot separate ourselves from death. By recognising our place within that cycle, we bring greater value and connection to those deaths.

When I first began to practice, it was difficult for me to understand the meaning of these practices as I had been a vegetarian for a long time. However, I eventually came to understand that when we practice Tsog'khorlo (a food offering practice), we make specific connection with those beings we have harmed by living. This is now one of the practices I find most powerful in affecting my view of the world.

How do you view your commitment to this tradition after 30 years?

I can’t imagine being part of any other tradition. My primary lamas, Ngak'chang Rinpoche and Khandro Déchen, play a crucial role in my ongoing journey. They guide my practice and provide advice and inspiration. I feel blessed to study with them. They encourage students to receive teachings from other Buddhist teachers as well, and I have gratitude to those teachers - but my home is with the Aro gTér. 

What distinguishes your tradition from other forms of Tibetan Buddhism?

There are outward differences of appearance, but the core beliefs are the same. We do not have lengthy liturgical chants and instead focus on essential practices of silent sitting meditation rooted in the Dzogchen perspective. But we are very traditional in our approach to the significance of the Lama and the seriousness with which we hold our root vows.

The Ngak'phang sangha and Ngakpa and Ngakma ordinations were less known when they first spread to the West, but awareness is growing of the tradition as it was practised in Tibet, as academics engage in more studies.

Our tradition was founded by a woman - Khyunchen Aro Lingma - in Tibet in the early 20th century. The practices are suited to everyday family and working life which I found very helpful as a woman.

One of the practices I have found particularly inspiring was Sky Weaving – Namkha practice - in which you weave five coloured wools around a cross shape which links our energy with that of the five elements and transforms our neurotic emotional patterns into their liberated potential.

What advice would you give to beginners interested in Buddhism?

I recommend finding a sangha where you feel comfortable and connected to the other practitioners. It’s helpful if you find the teachers inspiring and the practices useful to your ordinary life. Many people today tend to move from one teaching to another - the internet in particular encourages a pick and mix approach to exploring religion. However, investing time in understanding a tradition entirely in its own right can lead to deeper insights and understanding. I would always advise beginners to start with manageable practices such as committing to a daily meditation for ten minutes every day. That is more beneficial than just trying an hour-long session once a week as you will feel the benefit of the practice more quickly. Also finding people to meditate with is very important to keep you motivated.

Is there anything else you would like to share?

Spiritual practice should be joyful. It should inspire you to become a better person in the world. While sometimes the practices can feel like hard work, embracing the joy in practice is essential.